Tuesdays with Nate – Dear Brides, Grooms have feelings too.

I posted a while back about how to choose a wedding photographer, from the point of view of a of both a photographer and groom myself.  I realized I had a cool perspective on this planning process, and that I might of some good insights to offer.  One of my favorite questions to ask during meetings with new prospective couples is directed right at the groom… “what are YOU excited about?  What is it about your wedding day that you want to take charge of?” The response is usually along the lines of “I just want her to be happy”, “She told me to pick out a DJ”, “I don’t care, I just want to get it over with” etc.

There are a couple problems with that.  Ladies, you want your man to be involved, so why would you delegate something to him that he doesn’t care about? Secondly, DJ selection is frequently delegated to the groom, whether he likes it or not, and that ABSOLUTELY should be a joint decision.  The DJ can make or break a reception, and if the only thing he chooses ruins the reception, you’ll likely resent him forever.

AND, we grooms all know that the wedding day is all about you, but we’re going to be there too. You don’t have to delegate menial tasks to us to keep us busy, like giving a rowdy 4 year old chores to keep him out of your hair.  Deep down, although for some men it may be deeper down than others, we WANT to be involved and we want to help.  Enough of me on my soapbox, here’s some fun ideas for things your man can get involved with.

P.S.  - The honeymoon doesn’t count, nor should that fall on the shoulders of just one of you (in my opinion, unless you’re planning a surprise for your lady). This is about stuff ON THE WEDDING DAY

1) Exit Strategy – Are you having a fantastic exit with bubbles, sparklers, or leaving the reception on Pogo sticks while hoola-hooping?  Are you going to run out and get into your parent’s station wagon?  Why not leave this into the hands of the groom, see if he has a friend with hot rod, boat, sportscar, or helicopter to take you away in?

2) Groom’s Cake – This is an important one to me.  If we have some sort of post-Italy reception, you will see a cake that is a full-scale model of my black-nickel-plated, 24K gold hardware, 6.5×14 inch Pearl Steve Ferrone snare drum.  We’ve seen some really fun cakes, everything from sports teams to teeth (for the dental enthusiast groom).

3) Drink Menu – Have a favorite beer?  Remember the kind of wine you had on your first date?  A good quest to find the right beer could be just what you need to keep your man busy and make him happy at the same time.  I know for us we’ll be having some sort of micro-brew at our after party.  And having a some sort of “plush-pink-pomegranate-passion-tini” may be fun for you, but you can’t expect him to be quite as excited about it.

4) His Favorite Things – Guitars, cigars, sports teams, special music, cars, video games, motorcycles, hunting, doctoring, or anything else he might be super excited about in his every day life, can be incorporated into the wedding ceremony in countless ways.  Give him some freedom to explore ways of brining his passions into the wedding day.  We’ve seen this countless times, but we also see it forgotten about too.  It may not go perfectly with your theme, but the joy he gets from it may be worth the compromise.

Ladies, give your man something to look forward to (other than the post-wedding no-pants dance) and he might surprise you with his enthusiasm.  He may even understand that if he is that excited about one little thing, how much more excited are you if you’ve been planning this out for your entire life?

-DISCLAIMER- Use discretionary veto power.  We men may not know where the line is when it comes to budget, themes, scheduling, or time constraints, but please be gentle and keep in mind that if he’s putting the time and thought into something he’s excited about, you might want to at least consider it, even if it sounds crazy to you.

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