From my heart: thoughts on growth, creativity, and fear…
I feel like I have so much on my brain today. On my soul is probably a better description. Because after everything is stripped away… the emails, the responsibilities, the product orders, the google analytics, the meetings, the sales, the marketing, we are left with the art. And the art is what has been heavy on my soul this week. We all start creative businesses because we want a way to do our art and get paid for it. In the field of wedding photography I feel like I’m standing in a crowded room on a chair, trying to shout louder than the other shouting people in the room.
SOMEONE HEAR ME. Please?
Last week I posted an image by Hugh MacLeod on the It’s Better Together Blog that hit close to home for me. He is the author of an inspiring book I recently finished reading called “Ignore Everybody: And 39 Other Keys to Creativity”. His illustration is of a sandy shore and the caption reads: What a lovely grain of sand you are. Too bad your lying on a beach.
I’ve been in a self-imposed paralysis of fear this week. A fear of failure. A fear of fading away. During this week before our first ever trip to WPPI (An international wedding and portrait photographers convention in Las Vegas) I’m feeling the weight of 15,000 photographers all in one place. Most of which will have absolutely no idea who I am. I’m having freshman year of college flashbacks. I graduated from a class of 19 and started college at a college of 45,000. I spent the first week in a daze as I realized that I could drop off the face of the campus and no one would notice. As I tripped over my feet and fell on my face in front of a bunch of strangers who barely noticed I thought…
CAN ANYONE SEE ME?
We are working on some business-changing things. A desire I’ve had for over a year is being set into motion. And it’s terrifying. Because I might fail. And because I don’t want to lose focus on my dream as the logistics of the real world take over the planning. And yesterday, after reading some of my new favorite design and art blogs I felt inspired to make a few confessions about myself: I am not all the photographers that inspire me. And I cannot ever be them.
SOMEONE HEAR ME.
So this week, as I’ve given in to my hermit-ing tendencies, I’ve become more and more excited to discover who I really am, what my art really is, what it can be, and how it can positively affect the world. So please be patient with me as I peel back the layers and expose new skin. Give me time to get used to this new vulnerability and excuse any dust that I may create. Tomorrow we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled postings. I needed to take a day to not care about our stats, or our analytics, and just post a post for me. Thanks for hearing and seeing me.
For an on-going iphone series of mine on skies
@Zachary That’s our zip code ;)
@Becka Not going to WPPI since we don’t shoot weddings seriously yet, doing my first one this weekend as a 3rd Shooter. I’ll be at PhotoShop World later this month… and I think we live near you anyways (32801)
Thanks Maria!
@Anjuli Thank you so much for taking the time to say all that. :)
@Sherri That means so much to me. Thank you. :) (Ps. When will you guys be in town next?)
Your one of the best parts of my day! I look forward to what I’ll get to see next. I love that you don’t just take pictures, you make art. That’s absolutely what drew me in, the art of it, the passion behind it, the fact that it’s what you see and take from your surroundings that I might have just walked by unnoticed. I don’t know the technicalities of photography but I know that I love to get swept up in a moment of time that you’ve created.
I truly appreciate your desire and actions to make sure your art truly represents you. You both are such an inspiration and I hope you know that many, many people SEE you every day! As long as you take photos mainly because you love taking photos and strive to accomplish YOUR goals (instead of being better than someone else or meeting certain standards), then your art will continue to be beautiful, intriguing, and unique.
Good luck and have fun in Vegas!
i don’t really remember how i came across your blog. but i live on the other side of America and i love seeing the way you and your husband “see the world.” thanks for sharing your fears and thoughts on who you are and who you aren’t. i’ve only being a photographer for a year and i am constantly battling my fears (especially when i see SO many other amazing photographers-yours included). just know that you have a fan here in san diego who loves what you do. thanks for your honesty… i hear you.
i hardly see you “fading away” anytime soon or ever! you are talented and your work is beautiful. xoxo
@Zachary Thank you! Will you be in Vegas? We’d love to meet you!
@Khristen Thank you. And that’s so sweet of you about my gloves. I’m hoping they get here in time too. :) And thanks, we’d love to meet you in person too. Hopefully next year in Vegas, if not sooner!
@Zak You’re wonderful. I’d love to meet you in real life someday. Thanks for being encouraging! Will you be in Vegas?
Longtime lurker/twitter stalker of you and Nate :0 I totally understand your feelings as I’m going through a similar situation right now with a fear of taking the leap of faith as we prepare to leave Orlando and my current job for who knows what. Yeah no one knows you, but they just don’t know you YET. You’re already taking the first steps by even attending WPPI, how many other photogs will NOT be there? Sure you’re only 1/15,000 but that’s 15,000/1,000,000 photographers (pulling numbers out of thin air of course) who can say they’ve been to WPPI.
And as for the new business venture, if nothing else you will learn and grow from the experience to make you better on your next attempt, which their surely will be. We were scared to launch our own business and even now with our “official” launch a week old, we’re 3 months past our self-imposed launch deadline when we were dreaming this up Summer of 2009. But going through the motions, trial-and-error, that’s what it’s all about. When you started Studio222 I’m sure their were questions and nervousness, only natural feelings. You’ve got one successful venture in your pocket, why not make it two?
All the best. @zacharylong
I see you…I hear you…and I would notice if you left! You guys are amazing! Forget the analytics and and just shine!
I think “us” creative types are more prone to feelings such as this- Just know you are not alone in these feelings. You have made a great name for yourselves and the word is spreading. You are an icon for so many of us and we look forward to seeing you and Nate grow. Thank you for putting all these thoughts and feelings into words where so many of us stumble in our thoughts. It helps to know I’m not alone either. Good luck in Vegas. Maybe next year I’ll be able to meet ya’ll there! And I hope you gloves get there on time :)
@Morgan Thank you Morgan. :)
I so admire your courage to be vulnerable. I think that is what will drive you to succeed.