An artist’s ramblings…

All around me are familiar faces, worn out places, worn out faces…

For some reason the song “Mad World” has been playing on repeat in my brain. I think the bustle of the big city did it to me. I promise I’m not in that dark a place, the melody is just magical. Do you have a song you know with a melody like that? It’s like when you open an old jewelry box with one of those twirling ballerinas and the ting ting ting of the antique song transports you. That’s how I feel. I wish I could close my eyes and fall into a stop motion video for that song. Does that sound crazy? Oh well.

I read an amazing interview of Lady Gaga. She fascinates me. She’s refreshingly blunt. She’s not at all afraid of her strangeness. It’s quite lovely. I’m not there yet. The interview was in this month’s Vanity Fair, if you’re interested.

It seems as if the times when I’m most backlogged on work are the times when I’m most inspired and excited for new things. And yes, it’s just as frustrating as it sounds. I have about 5 different things that are new and exciting that I want to be developing but feel like I can’t until everything else is finished.

Our trip to New York was lovely. Thank you to everyone who sent us well wishes. I’m still fairly convinced that I’d like to live in the village for a period of time at some point in my life. Nate and I spent the entire weekend wandering around, sleeping, and shooting. But the shooting was fun so it didn’t feel like work. As I always do when I get back from New York, I came home with lists and notes and a mind full of new ideas and new directions and I want to dive head first into it all but I can’t… yet.

I have always been the type of person who gets extremely excited about a new idea and then drops everything to run towards that idea staying up till all hours just working on it until it’s done or until I lose interest. (I’m not even going to lie, a lot of times the latter happens first.) I’m trying to be better at pacing myself. Already today though I spent about an hour developing one idea, then realized I had emails waiting for answers and images waiting for processing. My inner child is not a friend of my small business owner side right now. In fact, they’re not speaking. But the emails are answered, so that’s good.

I found my wedding dress, in case you were wondering. Nate and I almost eloped in NYC at the beautiful city hall building. Almost.

I answered a question from another photographer with the phrase “we do it because we love it” and instantly realized how happy I was that I could answer that. I also resolved to make that a true answer for everything in my life. This a good new direction to head in. I never want anyone to think that owning one’s own business, and having that business be in an artistic field, is not worth it. I have been busy. I have been overworked. I have been burned out. But… I also live my dream job every day. If you have a dream that you are chasing or thinking of chasing but are scared that it is going to be too hard, too unattainable, too much work… you’re probably right. But nothing worthwhile comes easily. Well behaved people rarely make history. So go for it. And you can be tired, and overworked, and burned out too. But in the best way possible. ;)

I never want to appear to be complaining about my schedule. Most the time, it is my own lack of time management that gets me into trouble. And I am so blessed with the freedom to change my routine when I need to. Change what I say yes to and no to. (Saying “no” is something I’ve been working on this year. I’ve gotten much better.) Change how much I take on. Or take on more. I can flex and bend and switch to find my perfect groove. I’ve already begun implementing changes to make 2011 even better. Implementing new barriers and tearing down walls. Closing doors, opening windows.

Even typing this out I’m bursting at the seams to jump in 10 different directions. If only I could. Writing is as close of an outlet as I’m going to get today. But that’s okay. There’s always tomorrow…

Want to know something funny? Not funny like a joke, just an amusing notion. I have always felt uneasy calling myself an “artist” when it came to photography. Because what I do with my photography is so business-y. But I’ve decided, after having multiple conversations with multiple people about what makes a person an artist in their craft, that I am one. And I’m okay, no… proud, to say it. Because shooting a wedding well is difficult. And my camera does not take the photos, I do. And learning how to work with the light, and weather, and people, and places that are given to me to turn out an amazing image freezing not only all of those things, but also the emotions and personalities of everything involved is an art. I’m proud to be part of the group of artists that are continuing to turn wedding photography into not only a business but a fine art. I’m proud of the work that my peers are putting out and the respect that we are garnishing for it. So for that, I say I am an artist.